Tuesday, July 08, 2008


Garfield on the oil crisis

A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country. ~~~ Well, there's a very simple answer. ~~~

Nobody bothered to check the oil. ~~~

We just didn't know we were getting low. ~~~

The reason for that is purely geographical. ~~~

Our OIL is located in :

~~~ ALASKA ~~~

California ~~~

Coastal Florida ~~~

Coastal Louisiana ~~~

Wyoming ~~~

Colorado ~~~

Kansas ~~~

Oklahoma ~~~

Pennsylvania and Texas ~~~


Our dipsticks are located in DC

Any Questions?

NO?...Didn't think So.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


Dogs can teach us so much!


An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard; I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks. Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.' The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'

Thursday, May 22, 2008

If only it were this easy!




Accountability at its finest


Dear Internal Revenue Service:



Enclosed you will find my 2008 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes. Please note the attached article from the USA Today newspaper; dated 12 November, wherein you will see the Pentagon (Department of Defense) is paying $171.50 per hammer and NASA has paid $600.00 per toilet seat. I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats (valued @ $2,400) and six (6) hammers valued @ $1,029), which I secured at Home Depot, bringing my total remittance to$3,429.00. Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return.. You can do this inexpensively by sending them one (1) 1.5" Phillips Head screw (see aforementioned article from USA Today newspaper detailing how H.U.D. pays $22.00 each for 1.5" Phillips Head Screws). One screw is enclosed for your convenience. It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.

Sincerely, A Satisfied Taxpayer

Sunday, May 18, 2008

I bet Grandma never told you this stuff!


AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT - USE THE SINK.

4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICALPROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS

Monday, May 12, 2008

That some chili!!


See if you can read without laughing til you cry.

I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that said course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'You're definitely going to mess yourself' chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off. Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I appeared to be unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as thunder and lightning. Knowing that a time of reckoning had to come, yet not sure of when, I bravely set off for the market; a local Wal-Mart grocery store that I often haunt in search of tasty tidbits. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me. Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh oh, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time The thing is, this pain was different. The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot. There I stood, alone in the spice and baking aisle, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as an elderly woman turned into it. I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate, as she walked into it unsuspecting. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor woman but didn't. I simply watched as she walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all she could do before gathering her senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving her arms about her head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course , made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. Mistake. Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun. Suddenly things were no longer funny. IT was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place. Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my butt is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, ' Oh my God!', then quickly left. Once finished I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.' That of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me.The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return. Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Albertson's. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. They claim they're going to have to repaint the store.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008





THE NEW MAN IN MY LIFE




We are a dog family. Love me, love my dog and his hair which is everywhere. Is that a rhyme?


Since Apache passed away Dec 06 we have been looking for a wolf that would fit into our household and that Jake would accept. He's not too crazy about other animal staying more than a few days in HIS house with HIS people and HIS toys. Our niece Sarah called last Wed night to tell us her roonmate had discovered a 10 month old Malamute/Wolf that needed a new home. His original people's HOA said either the nasty wolf goes or they do. . Tyr has come to live with us. I 'd forgotten what a puppy is like. He's not your little gentle ball of fur puppy either. As big as Jake and a whirling dervish of energy. Walk on the leash are interesting. Straight ahead as hard as we can go...oh what's that over there?...Oh something behind me. I think I'll wrap up Mom in the leash as tight as I can and then run. He's learning. So are we.




Here's some pictures of the boys

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


Easter Seals Camp



My Hubby's long time best friend, Dave, is the Food services director at Rocky Mountain Village which is the camp for the Easter Seals organization here in Colorado. They do a great job giving people with physical and mental challenges a chance to experience nature in a safe and comfortable environment. They never hesitate to fix a special dish that is a comfort food for a camper or in the case of Skyler hanging out in the kitchen and helping Dave run the microwave. There are special trails that are all fully accessable to everyone and a killer Disc golf course. A lot of volunteers give many hours to help keep this place running smoothly while fulfilling the varied needs of all the campers. Kids and adults come from all over because this place is one of the best around. Thanks for all that you do Dave and Sue Lange and the rest of the people at camp

Check it out!


Friday, February 08, 2008


Another day in the mountains of Colorado. I-70 has been closed for 12 hours and effectively shut down our town. Colorado Dept of Transportation, that wonderful entity that supported our family for many years( our Dad was a highway Engineer) and provided our school supplies, shut the highway down 6 miles east of Idaho Springs at the junction of nowhere and someplace. Wouldn't it make more sense to shut the road at Idaho Springs so people would have the option of a meal, or a room if desired instead of the side of the road in your car until your gas runs out and you freeze.


Shutting down the road was justified as the wind gusts were up to 100MPH and the snow was falling sidways. The Road guys usually let my hubby Chuck who works at Loveland Ski Area come home even if the road is closed. Last night they told him it was just too dangerous.


I am ready for spring